when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
