Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
