We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
