Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
