ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
