if you like me you must not know who I am
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
