I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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