I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
