the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
