I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
