saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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