If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
