well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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