If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
