my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
