Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
When are your genitals available?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
