your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
