Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
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