hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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