So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
