I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
