guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I think a kid would responsible me up
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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