dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize