i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
