my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
