I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
where are my eyebrows?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
