This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
