I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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