...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
