I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
