You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
