I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
