clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
