So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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