yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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