His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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