where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
