dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
