So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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