New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
