He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
