Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
