I'm sorry my penis didn't work
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
