i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
