Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
