Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
