Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
