My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
