I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
