Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
