You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
try to milk me bitch
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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