i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
