hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
