Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
