Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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