My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
