so that wasnt chicken after all
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
