last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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