If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Randomize
