haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
