He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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