I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
