Someone shit on the floor
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
