Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
false alarm, still single
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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