1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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