KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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