the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
