you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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