i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Randomize
