the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
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