carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
