and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
